Dear Abby: My father cut me off but told my family a different story

Letter to Dear Abby

“Dear Abby: While we were growing up, my father was abusive toward me and favored my younger sister. He said she was ‘too dumb to know better,’ while I was ‘too smart for my own good.’”

The writer explains that this dynamic continued into adulthood. Despite trying to maintain a relationship, the father suddenly stopped speaking to them three years ago. When the writer reached out to other relatives, they were told that the father claimed it was the writer who cut him off, which was untrue.

The letter-writer expresses pain and confusion over this lie, saying they felt forced out of their own family’s narrative. They say, “He told people I ignored him, but the truth is, he refused to talk to me. Now everyone believes him.”

The writer concludes by asking Abby whether they should correct the story within the family or continue staying silent for the sake of peace.

Abby’s Advice

Abby responds with empathy, acknowledging the emotional damage caused by parental favoritism and childhood abuse. She advises the letter-writer to protect their mental health rather than focus on reshaping others’ opinions.

“Explain your side once, calmly and briefly,” Abby writes. “After that, let go of who believes what. People often believe what they want to hear, especially when it fits an easier story.”

She encourages therapy or a support group to process the lingering effects of emotional abuse and recommends setting clear boundaries with toxic family members.

“You can’t make your father tell the truth,” Abby concludes, “but you can live yours.”

Author’s summary: Abby counsels a reader to protect their peace and state their truth once after being falsely accused by an abusive father of cutting him off, emphasizing boundaries and healing.

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NJ.com NJ.com — 2025-11-30

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